Why Valentine's Day Makes Me Feel Like Shit
I’ve never had a partner for Valentine’s Day therefore never actually celebrated the whole shebang whatsoever, but this year the run up to the day has made me feel like complete shit. Late last year I wrote an article on why I was putting romance on the back burner, due to mental health and the fact that I’m concentrating on graduating and besides a cheeky kiss here and there, this is still true. And yet I can’t seem to shake off this little demon perched on my shoulder.
I’m not gonna go on a ranting spree about how I’m a strong independent woman and all that jazz, because although it's true it has nothing to do with strong femininity. It’s the extremely sentimental and vulnerable side of Valentine’s that’s creeping up on me, not the ‘lets try this naughty thing out tonight’ but curling up with a glass of wine and a cuddle. Since essentially slamming the door shut and nailing wooden panels against it, the lack of intimacy has been rearing its ugly head. If you’ve got a significant other then wonderful, shower them with gifts (although not just exclusively on Feb 14th obv), let them know how much you appreciate them and have a cheeky fumble. I’m not saying to not do that, but maybe this year just do it when I’m not looking.
Whether it’s the fact that a lot of people, I know in their early twenties are getting engaged and starting families or not I just can’t help and think whether things would be different now, if I didn’t make such quick decisions several months ago. I’m a strong believer in that everything happens for a reason, what we do in our day to day lives alters the future but honestly right now my bed feels really empty and I’m not happy about it.
Although I’ve managed to get my mental health back to ‘normal’, excluding one small blip back in January, I don’t know whether that’s enough to remove the wooden panels and consider unlocking my door. And even if I did, who’s to say I’ll suddenly have a line of eligible bachelors lining up trying to woo me. At this stage I already know and have met all the potentially single men, and well that isn’t looking great either.
One day I might write an article that is something positive and not just me complaining about life.
Truth be told, if I didn’t throw my wall up (must resist making a Donald Trump joke) so fast and kept with my last fella or found someone new, I’d be documenting Valentine’s Day all over my Snapchat and Instagram like there’s no tomorrow. That’s just how I am, I get super proud about what I do/who I’m with and like to show it off. Probably too much sometimes but oh well.
While y’all are enjoying your three course meals and roses, I’m gonna be over here eating pizza in bed, watching chick flicks and getting to know my vibrator too well.